Being a stepparent is a really hard gig and for those of you who think its easy or it is a piece of cake think again.
Being a stepmom has been one of the most challenging things that I have had to go through in my life. My husband has 2 little girls and I have 1 boy. The kids all get along very well and for the most part and it is smooth sailing. When it comes to discipline there are always boundaries that a stepparent has to know and tread carefully around. Sometimes I myself take a step back and say I need to stay as the good guy and not the bad guy because I can’t afford for them to hate me. Its even harder when your dealing with girls who have so much emotion and things to express that sometimes the thought of them being upset with you is intolerable.
Because I am also in a similar situation as my husband’s ex I always treat the situation as I wished my own ex-husband treated it. There are 2 main points when raising step kids that you should not do to maintain the integrity and respect of your relationships you have with your step kids.
Putting down the EX of your significant other.
I think its very important that we raise our children on values of respect and loyalty. I don’t believe that you should ever speak or bad mouth the other parent. When you bad mouth the other parent the child holds there feelings in and one day it will backfire in your face. I believe in teaching your stepchildren to respect there mother and father at all costs and believe me when those kids grow older they will have a lot more respect for you. I find that kids are pleasers and sometimes they look for approval or want to get on your good side and if you bad mouth their parent they will join in on it but to a certain point. Children tend to value their parents as they get older and once they start remembering all the negative stuff that you have said or continue to say about there parent you might encounter a confrontation that might tarnish any relationship or future relationship with your stepchildren. They will resent you and have no respect for you. As a step parent, you should teach them that there mom and dad are their world and that we should love and forgive them no matter what. Be the bigger person always in these kinds of situations.
Never ask to be called MOM OR DAD
This subject really bothers me. I feel that every father and mother deserve to keep that right of owning that word. I find it very hard when my ex-asks my son to call his stepmom MOM. My son always tells me how he hates that and it truly rips me apart when I have to hear my son call another woman MOM.
I feel that she shouldn’t be entitled to a title that is so dear to my heart and valuable. I sometimes get so upset because that’s my child the one I carried for 9 months and spent 14 hours in labor for why should you be the one to be called MOM or try to take that title. Moms and dads make so many sacrifices for their children and love them like no other person can. No matter how much you love your stepchildren you will never love them as their own mother and father. Don’t ever try to take that valuable title that is not rightfully yours from its owner or force your stepchildren to call you mom or dad.
I live with these rule with my own stepchildren and make sure they understand the value of there parents. I make them understand that I am not there to replace their mom I’m just there to help out and love them the best way I know how. It does take a village to raise a child but that village should also be raising them on proper values and morales. Don’t do things to someone else’s child that you wouldn’t want someone to do with yours.